Life is full of surprises and and serendipity. Being open to unexpected turns in the road is an important part of success. If you try to plan every step, you may miss those wonderful twists and turns. Just find your next adventure-do it well, enjoy it-and then, not now, think about what comes next.
My life is under construction
As a wiccan….
As a sister….
As a daughter…
As a student….
As a woman…
I don’t know quite what I am any more. I am not a student. I am not quite an independent woman, but there’s something here in me. I feel it wanting to come out. I feel it clawing under my skin and in between my eyes.
My life has turned in one from certainity and drive to an abyss of uncertainity. The only thing in my life is a positive is my work experience and my relationship with my boyfriend. And even these are picture perfect- but then again What is?
How does my life go from this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
to this:
What a 180. And now I find all the classes I wished to have been taking- I am unable to because of the sucky and terribly difficult system known as the Community Colleges of California.
So, What do I plan to do????
I honestly do not know quite yet. I know I should get my car fixed. And I should start practicing ASL on my own. AND I should keep up on my Greek and Latin. ANND I should begin to work out and lose weight. AND I should volunteer more in order to get the letter of recommendations I need for CSUN program.
There is a plan in there. I see it. I feel it. I sense it. I feel such chaos around me. I feel I can not control anything in my life . Not my family. Not my friends. Not my education. Not my job schedule. Not my relationship. And being sick for the last 2+ weeks has taught me that I can not even control my own body. CHAOS. Nature is Chaos. What we must do is the beauty and recognize the insane structure and details within it.
Love Poem XX
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example,’The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.’
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
Pablo Neruda
